Paraprosdokians

From http://www.englishforums.com/content/humour/paraprosdokians.htm. Paraproskodians are a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

Here are some of my favorites:

  1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  2. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  4. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  5. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
  7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  10. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
  11. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
  12. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
  13. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
  14. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  15. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
  16. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  17. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  18. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
  19. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
  20. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Ciao!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s